In absence of a lighter.... #3

Use the flame for your GAS cooker - doesn't work if it's electric, you fucking idiot!

Be careful!

This One Time, When We Got High.....

Chocolate Rain

This makes me laugh.  A lot.

In absence of a lighter.... #2

harness the power of the sun with a magnifying glass!

Precision sparking like never before!

Ten Stoner Movies

Toking with the Dealer

Tonight I was pretty bummed as we had no weed.  Well, actually, I've been pretty bummed about it since we fucking ran out!

Fortunately, the Weed-God was smiling down at me.  I happened to end up in the company of my dealer's dealer - purely by accident of course.  I've only ever met this guy once and wasn't really interested in fucking meeting him, but I knew (well, prayed) that he had a big fucking bag of weed about his person!

He sat down  and produced the goods.  I reckon his bag contained about a fucking ounce.  He built perhaps one of the finest joints I'd ever seen!  It was exactly like this fucking belter here!

He sparked the joint and took a long toke of it.... then coughed like a mutha fucker!  Eventually, after recovering a little, he claimed to have put too much weed in it!

"I'll fucking take you up on that challenge, my friend!" I thought, almost aloud!

Then I had a thought - what if this fucking guy doesn't adhere to the universal smoking rules and smokes the whole thing to himself!  Surely fucking not?!?

Then I had another thought - what if this fucking guy claims the right of weed ownership?!  It's his weed so he can smoke it all like a greedy cunt and it would still be within the rules!

He puffed on it some more and coughed some more.

"I'm not gonna fucking cough!"


When someone is preparing to pass a joint, it's almost like a telepathic stoner signal is sent because you know right away when the joint has been placed in the secure position, ready for transfer!

He passed and I picked up the stoner gauntlet.

"Don't fucking cough!!"


The smell coming from this thing was amazing!  It was a really fruity smell.  Turns out it's the most excellent TNT weed!  I mentally noted that the prick had told me earlier that he had no more left - prick!

I took a deep toke and held it to allow my lungs to absorb the THC!  I exhaled with that lovely thick smoke and could fully taste the weed!  It was awesome!  Fair play to this guy, that fucking joint had made it into my Top10 of amazing smokes!

No coughing... so far!  I took another deep hit and the high hit me!  Wow, this is fucking brilliant!  Per the rules, I had to pass the joint back to him, albeit grudgingly! He told me that on average he'll smoke about 2 fucking ounce of weed!  That's what you call a fucking stoner!  Although, it was pretty clear that he had smoked so much that his brain had turned to shit a long time ago!

Still, I hadn't coughed!  I fucking win!

We parted company and he rode of on his motorbike.

I crawled home on my hands and knees.

A fucking motorbike?! Jesus Christ!

The Smokefest - Part 1

Last Sunday night Grimble & I made an oath to get as baked as humanly possible.

Here's what happened:

Hour 1

I arrive at Grimbles place & we get everything set up, I have my own tray, rolling paper, grinder as does Grimble & we both have our own unique style as does every stoner. For instance we both use the thinnest possible paper, this just makes sense, The less paper the better. I roll in the traditional sense (gum facing me as I roll). Where as Grimble rolls backwards. We have enough purpler haze to resurrect Jimi Hendrix.

*Grimble rolls joint #01
It's a reasonably nice night so Grimble rolled a fatty & we smoke it outside. This is the first of the day & is greedily finished & we head inside to roll the second
*Shogun rolls joint #02
I roll the second & we head outside, as we were puffing Grimbles neighbour is out having a sneaky joint of his own. We shoot the shit with him for a while then go back inside.

There's a commotion of kids outside & the van is in Grimbles street. He suggests this could be a good moment to stock up on supplies. We head out & have to wait in a queue surrounded by kids. We've only had 2 joints so far & i can feel myself slowing down a bit. Grimble suggests buying red bull to give us a mental boost later. So I bought a couple of cans of red  bull & a SLUSH!! If anyone doesn't know what a slush is:






Feast your eye's on these. I knew these would be nirvana to a dried mouthed stoner in the early hours. So I bought one & stuck it in the freezer for later.



Hour 2

*Grimble rolls joint #03

We puff the third in the back garden & the neighbour from the other side is out "admiring her garden" Grimble does his neighbourly duty & chats away as I sneakily puff the joint at the other side. As this old dear is waffling on about her beautiful garden I'm puffing away when I should be passing the joint. I cough into my fist saying *"it's a shit garden" cough* not to be rude to the neighbour, I was just trying to make Grimble laugh as he's trying to be nice & respectful. It didn't work though, I probably just looked like a dick fake coughing.Grimble finally comes back & gets the last toke of his joint. Unlucky mate, you're too slow. We go back inside.
*Shogun rolls joint #04
Outside, smoke it, discuss the preferences of stoners on their perfect smoking spot, back inside to roll more.
*Grimble rollsjoint #05
We smoke it peace with no intrusion from any neighbours & we discuss the criminality of smoking weed. I don't want to get into it but I will say this: No-one has ever died from marijuana. 472996 people have died from alcohol causes this year so far!! This will no doubt go up before I post this. Around 5.4 million deaths a year are caused by tobacco yet these are legal! So why is weed banned which is something that doesn't cause deaths but these other drugs are widely available? Fuck 'em.

Hour 3

*Shogun rolls joint #06
We discuss a copper we know who used to smoke weed & sold hash before joining the cops. Fuck that! Imagine if you came across someone you used to smoke with? Or worse some fucker you sold hash to & they try to use that fact against you? Come to think of it I have a photo of him holding a joint at a poker night we were both at. I wonder what that's worth? Maybe hold onto it & if he becomes chief of police it could be very profitable. I'm kidding I would never mess with the cops. It would hurt their feelings.
*Grimmble rolls joint #07
Munchies kick in. We order a pizza. Smoke 7th stick inside the comfort of Grimbles living room. We're feeling suitably relaxed & decide to stick on Eastbound & Down season 2. The pizza arrives. I'm fuckin starving by this point & wolf down most of the pizza.

Hour 4

*Shogun rolls joint #07
Eastbound & Down is on & we're both pretty baked! We're kinda zoned out & only pay attention to the TV. After the 2nd episode is finished we both come alive again & puff the 7th stick. I come up with a stoner question:
SHOGUN: If you could watch a movie which was an origin story of any of your favourite movie characters whose would it be?

GRIMBLE: What?

SHOGUN: If you could watch a movie which was an origin story of any of your favourite movie characters whose would it be?

GRIMBLE: What? A spin off?

SHOGUN: Not necessarily. It would be a story of their life up to the point where you see them in whatever film they're from.

GRIMBLE: Oh, right. Ummmm.......

A minute or so passes in silence as Grimble clumsily puts together a joint & ponders the question

GRIMBLE: I dunno.

SHOGUN: You must be able to think of one?

GRIMBLE: Ummmm....

More minutes pass as Grimbles weed addled brain gets to grips with the enormity of the question.

GRIMBLE: I know. Martin from Knocked Up, that was a funny fucking guy!

SHOGUN: Ha ha! Good one! I'd have Vincent Vega from Pulp Fiction or Floyd from True Romance. 

GRIMBLE: OH FUCK!!

That OH FUCK was regarding the crumpled mess in Grimbles hands that was supposed to be our 8th joint. "I've fucking rolled this inside out!" He had rolled the joint wrong & he had the uphill struggle of getting  fresh paper and doing it again. I was pissing myself laughing at this & thought it was hilarious!

Part 2 coming soon......

Keep Blazin.

The Stoner Assassin

Ha ha ha - they didn't know if it was weapons of mass destruction!! It was fucking weed you dumb fucking dick!

Winning

Charlie Fucking Sheen

Legend

Eastbound & Down - Season 1

A few weeks ago Grimble & I sat down with a couple of bags of Northern Lights & I introduced him to the legend that is Kenny FUCKING Powers!

We watched the first season of Eastbound & Down. 6 Episodes back to back & he wasn't disappointed!

This is a great stoner show. Plenty of laughs & cool chraracters. The excellent Danny Mcbride as KP, Steve Little as the untouchable sidekick Stevie Janowski & Katy Mixon as the amazing April Buchanon. Ben Best plays the local bar tender & drug dealer Clegg. There'a few cool cameos by Will Ferrell & Craig Robinson.

The show is hilarious & the next smoke fest we'll be screening season 2. The only question is what type of weed we'll be enjoying.

Keep Blazin'

Weed Review : Purple Haze

Purple Haze

Shogun and I had arranged a mammoth smoke-a-thon for Sunday night.  There was one problem: no weed.  Well, actually, at this stage, it wasn't a problem; it was just something we had to do.  I got onto my guy and was told he had none until tomorrow at 5pm (which was fucking Sunday)!  I was confident that he would be true to his word, but I forgot something.... dealers can't be trusted - they're fucking criminals!  We had no contingency either so we were placing a whole lotta fucking faith in this guy!

Eventually we got word - he didn't get it.  The 'no weed' issue had been upgraded to a fucking Grade#1 problem!

Fortunately, Shogun got a call and we scored Purple Haze!

Purple Haze is a sativa dominant plant with a high level of THC. It's named after the Jimi Hendrix song, which was believed to have been written about a super potent LSD.  This is a favourite amongst medicinal users for it's strong pain relief qualities.

It has a fucking really blazing high that is combined with the thick resin production of even the best indicas.  The plants are quite tall, but are shorter than most other sativas.  The buds are beautifully long and have a large density with a sticky, thick coating of trichomes.

Now that we had our weed, we settled down for the super fucking blazing session!  Ten hours and twenty fucking joints later, we were seriously baked!  It wasn't the usual high that we're used too - we tend to be limited to indica strains so this was a welcome change!  It was like my head was a balloon and the more I smoked, the more the balloon was blown up!  Funny shit!

The Stoner Signal

John Lennon once said "all you need is love".  Personally, I reckon all you need is weed - and rolling papers - and a lighter - and roach!

There's a dude in my office that has been there for probably over a year - could be longer.  I've never really bothered with him before because quite frankly I always thought he was a weird mother fucker!

I went to Amsterdam a few weeks ago and prior to that, not many people knew that I smoked weed like fuck.  It''s not that I kept it a secret, it was more that I just didn't talk about it.  However from the day I booked the Amsterdam trip, it was pretty much all I fucking talked about!  So now pretty much everyone I know is aware of the fact that I'm a stoner - a fucking intelligent, responsible stoner.  There's a difference.

The bottom line is that I don't give a fuck who knows.  Well, that's not entirely true - there are exceptions to this. Most obvious exception is my parents.  I'm fucking thirty years old, but I still don't want my folks to know about it - although, I don't think they're completely naive.  Obviously they knew I was in Amsterdam and I showed
my dad a picture of me blazing on the most excellent Volcano vaporiser.  It was a surreal conversation explaining how it worked!

Another exception is my kid.  I'm a parent and it's not cool to have that shit spill into the world of parenting - anything associated with this also falls under the exceptions - school teachers etc are a no no.

Other than that, I don't give a fuck.  I guess that statement is pretty redundant though seeing as I quite clearly give a fuck!

After returning from Amsterdam, I was talking to a group of work buddies about how fucking amazing it was.  This weird guy I mentioned earlier was also there.  I realised that my conversation was actually doing two things - the first was obviously telling the story about my trip, but the second, less obvious thing was that I was basically putting out the stoner equivalent of the bat signal!  The weird guy turns out to be a stoner.  He is elite. The thing is, there's nothing different about the guy; he's still a bit of a weird fucking cat, but being a stoner gives you a few bonus cool points!  We have a common bond though - we both fucking love weed and now we regularly exchange
stoner stories.  Also, where there is a stoner, there is a dealer - always good to know there's another possible guy to try when all else fails in the pursuit of green!


A week or so ago, I was enjoying a joint in my back garden.  I was being discrete as I didn't want to make it too obvious that I was puffin' the herb. I heard my neighbour open her back door so I stood just inside the door! After having waited for a few minutes I decided that the coast was clear! I took a big toke on my joint and stuck my
head out the door.  To my horror, she was still standing in her garden - looking at me! I was holding in a lungful of smoke as she said hello! I muttered a hello whilst my head was engulfed in the smoke I'd ust exhaled!

"I didn't know you smoked?!" she says

"Um, just now and again..."

Turns out though, she's a stoner as well!

Let's face it, everyone's a fucking stoner!

Now let's get fucking baked!

In absence of a lighter.... #1

use the fucking toaster!

Works a treat, but makes your morning toast taste a little funky!

The Humble Toaster - not just for toasting!

The Price Is Right

Stoner bids 420 on everything! Fucking genius!

The best weed tattoo I've seen...

You'd think combining two of my favourite things would be a guaranteed pleaser but I've never really liked weed tattoos. Some of them seem to revel in the illegality. I would obviously like to see marijuana legalised, but more than that I'd like to see the stigma of smoking weed gone. How good would it be when you can spark a joint without a fear of recriminations? I realise a funny (trying to be) weed blog isn't the place for politics so back to the headline: The best weed tattoo I've seen...




Under the magnifying glass you can see the molecular structure of THC. This is cool! This stoner obviously has some brains.



P.s. Feel free to leave comments.



Keep Blazin'

Stoner Of The Month (April)

Our first Stoner of the Month award goes to none other than Mr Nice!  Truly the Godfather of hash, Howard Marks was alleged to have controlled 10% of the world’s hashish trade.  He was eventually convicted by the American DEA and had supposed links with the Mafia, IRA, CIA and fucking MI6.

He attended Balliol College, which is one of the constituent colleges of Oxford University.  I have to admit at being completely disgusted that he's not listed as one of the notable people to have attended.  I mean you have got Boris fucking Johnson in there, but no Howard!  Outrage!

Without a doubt, Howard would be in my list of top ten people to puff with!