In absence of a lighter.... #3

Use the flame for your GAS cooker - doesn't work if it's electric, you fucking idiot!

Be careful!

This One Time, When We Got High.....

Chocolate Rain

This makes me laugh.  A lot.

In absence of a lighter.... #2

harness the power of the sun with a magnifying glass!

Precision sparking like never before!

Ten Stoner Movies

Toking with the Dealer

Tonight I was pretty bummed as we had no weed.  Well, actually, I've been pretty bummed about it since we fucking ran out!

Fortunately, the Weed-God was smiling down at me.  I happened to end up in the company of my dealer's dealer - purely by accident of course.  I've only ever met this guy once and wasn't really interested in fucking meeting him, but I knew (well, prayed) that he had a big fucking bag of weed about his person!

He sat down  and produced the goods.  I reckon his bag contained about a fucking ounce.  He built perhaps one of the finest joints I'd ever seen!  It was exactly like this fucking belter here!

He sparked the joint and took a long toke of it.... then coughed like a mutha fucker!  Eventually, after recovering a little, he claimed to have put too much weed in it!

"I'll fucking take you up on that challenge, my friend!" I thought, almost aloud!

Then I had a thought - what if this fucking guy doesn't adhere to the universal smoking rules and smokes the whole thing to himself!  Surely fucking not?!?

Then I had another thought - what if this fucking guy claims the right of weed ownership?!  It's his weed so he can smoke it all like a greedy cunt and it would still be within the rules!

He puffed on it some more and coughed some more.

"I'm not gonna fucking cough!"


When someone is preparing to pass a joint, it's almost like a telepathic stoner signal is sent because you know right away when the joint has been placed in the secure position, ready for transfer!

He passed and I picked up the stoner gauntlet.

"Don't fucking cough!!"


The smell coming from this thing was amazing!  It was a really fruity smell.  Turns out it's the most excellent TNT weed!  I mentally noted that the prick had told me earlier that he had no more left - prick!

I took a deep toke and held it to allow my lungs to absorb the THC!  I exhaled with that lovely thick smoke and could fully taste the weed!  It was awesome!  Fair play to this guy, that fucking joint had made it into my Top10 of amazing smokes!

No coughing... so far!  I took another deep hit and the high hit me!  Wow, this is fucking brilliant!  Per the rules, I had to pass the joint back to him, albeit grudgingly! He told me that on average he'll smoke about 2 fucking ounce of weed!  That's what you call a fucking stoner!  Although, it was pretty clear that he had smoked so much that his brain had turned to shit a long time ago!

Still, I hadn't coughed!  I fucking win!

We parted company and he rode of on his motorbike.

I crawled home on my hands and knees.

A fucking motorbike?! Jesus Christ!

The Smokefest - Part 1

Last Sunday night Grimble & I made an oath to get as baked as humanly possible.

Here's what happened:

Hour 1

I arrive at Grimbles place & we get everything set up, I have my own tray, rolling paper, grinder as does Grimble & we both have our own unique style as does every stoner. For instance we both use the thinnest possible paper, this just makes sense, The less paper the better. I roll in the traditional sense (gum facing me as I roll). Where as Grimble rolls backwards. We have enough purpler haze to resurrect Jimi Hendrix.

*Grimble rolls joint #01
It's a reasonably nice night so Grimble rolled a fatty & we smoke it outside. This is the first of the day & is greedily finished & we head inside to roll the second
*Shogun rolls joint #02
I roll the second & we head outside, as we were puffing Grimbles neighbour is out having a sneaky joint of his own. We shoot the shit with him for a while then go back inside.

There's a commotion of kids outside & the van is in Grimbles street. He suggests this could be a good moment to stock up on supplies. We head out & have to wait in a queue surrounded by kids. We've only had 2 joints so far & i can feel myself slowing down a bit. Grimble suggests buying red bull to give us a mental boost later. So I bought a couple of cans of red  bull & a SLUSH!! If anyone doesn't know what a slush is:






Feast your eye's on these. I knew these would be nirvana to a dried mouthed stoner in the early hours. So I bought one & stuck it in the freezer for later.



Hour 2

*Grimble rolls joint #03

We puff the third in the back garden & the neighbour from the other side is out "admiring her garden" Grimble does his neighbourly duty & chats away as I sneakily puff the joint at the other side. As this old dear is waffling on about her beautiful garden I'm puffing away when I should be passing the joint. I cough into my fist saying *"it's a shit garden" cough* not to be rude to the neighbour, I was just trying to make Grimble laugh as he's trying to be nice & respectful. It didn't work though, I probably just looked like a dick fake coughing.Grimble finally comes back & gets the last toke of his joint. Unlucky mate, you're too slow. We go back inside.
*Shogun rolls joint #04
Outside, smoke it, discuss the preferences of stoners on their perfect smoking spot, back inside to roll more.
*Grimble rollsjoint #05
We smoke it peace with no intrusion from any neighbours & we discuss the criminality of smoking weed. I don't want to get into it but I will say this: No-one has ever died from marijuana. 472996 people have died from alcohol causes this year so far!! This will no doubt go up before I post this. Around 5.4 million deaths a year are caused by tobacco yet these are legal! So why is weed banned which is something that doesn't cause deaths but these other drugs are widely available? Fuck 'em.

Hour 3

*Shogun rolls joint #06
We discuss a copper we know who used to smoke weed & sold hash before joining the cops. Fuck that! Imagine if you came across someone you used to smoke with? Or worse some fucker you sold hash to & they try to use that fact against you? Come to think of it I have a photo of him holding a joint at a poker night we were both at. I wonder what that's worth? Maybe hold onto it & if he becomes chief of police it could be very profitable. I'm kidding I would never mess with the cops. It would hurt their feelings.
*Grimmble rolls joint #07
Munchies kick in. We order a pizza. Smoke 7th stick inside the comfort of Grimbles living room. We're feeling suitably relaxed & decide to stick on Eastbound & Down season 2. The pizza arrives. I'm fuckin starving by this point & wolf down most of the pizza.

Hour 4

*Shogun rolls joint #07
Eastbound & Down is on & we're both pretty baked! We're kinda zoned out & only pay attention to the TV. After the 2nd episode is finished we both come alive again & puff the 7th stick. I come up with a stoner question:
SHOGUN: If you could watch a movie which was an origin story of any of your favourite movie characters whose would it be?

GRIMBLE: What?

SHOGUN: If you could watch a movie which was an origin story of any of your favourite movie characters whose would it be?

GRIMBLE: What? A spin off?

SHOGUN: Not necessarily. It would be a story of their life up to the point where you see them in whatever film they're from.

GRIMBLE: Oh, right. Ummmm.......

A minute or so passes in silence as Grimble clumsily puts together a joint & ponders the question

GRIMBLE: I dunno.

SHOGUN: You must be able to think of one?

GRIMBLE: Ummmm....

More minutes pass as Grimbles weed addled brain gets to grips with the enormity of the question.

GRIMBLE: I know. Martin from Knocked Up, that was a funny fucking guy!

SHOGUN: Ha ha! Good one! I'd have Vincent Vega from Pulp Fiction or Floyd from True Romance. 

GRIMBLE: OH FUCK!!

That OH FUCK was regarding the crumpled mess in Grimbles hands that was supposed to be our 8th joint. "I've fucking rolled this inside out!" He had rolled the joint wrong & he had the uphill struggle of getting  fresh paper and doing it again. I was pissing myself laughing at this & thought it was hilarious!

Part 2 coming soon......

Keep Blazin.