Showing posts with label Grimble. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Grimble. Show all posts
Friday, 8 April 2011
Toking with the Dealer
Tonight I was pretty bummed as we had no weed. Well, actually, I've been pretty bummed about it since we fucking ran out!
Fortunately, the Weed-God was smiling down at me. I happened to end up in the company of my dealer's dealer - purely by accident of course. I've only ever met this guy once and wasn't really interested in fucking meeting him, but I knew (well, prayed) that he had a big fucking bag of weed about his person!
He sat down and produced the goods. I reckon his bag contained about a fucking ounce. He built perhaps one of the finest joints I'd ever seen! It was exactly like this fucking belter here!
He sparked the joint and took a long toke of it.... then coughed like a mutha fucker! Eventually, after recovering a little, he claimed to have put too much weed in it!
"I'll fucking take you up on that challenge, my friend!" I thought, almost aloud!
Then I had a thought - what if this fucking guy doesn't adhere to the universal smoking rules and smokes the whole thing to himself! Surely fucking not?!?
Then I had another thought - what if this fucking guy claims the right of weed ownership?! It's his weed so he can smoke it all like a greedy cunt and it would still be within the rules!
He puffed on it some more and coughed some more.
"I'm not gonna fucking cough!"
When someone is preparing to pass a joint, it's almost like a telepathic stoner signal is sent because you know right away when the joint has been placed in the secure position, ready for transfer!
He passed and I picked up the stoner gauntlet.
"Don't fucking cough!!"
The smell coming from this thing was amazing! It was a really fruity smell. Turns out it's the most excellent TNT weed! I mentally noted that the prick had told me earlier that he had no more left - prick!
I took a deep toke and held it to allow my lungs to absorb the THC! I exhaled with that lovely thick smoke and could fully taste the weed! It was awesome! Fair play to this guy, that fucking joint had made it into my Top10 of amazing smokes!
No coughing... so far! I took another deep hit and the high hit me! Wow, this is fucking brilliant! Per the rules, I had to pass the joint back to him, albeit grudgingly! He told me that on average he'll smoke about 2 fucking ounce of weed! That's what you call a fucking stoner! Although, it was pretty clear that he had smoked so much that his brain had turned to shit a long time ago!
Still, I hadn't coughed! I fucking win!
We parted company and he rode of on his motorbike.
I crawled home on my hands and knees.
A fucking motorbike?! Jesus Christ!
He sat down and produced the goods. I reckon his bag contained about a fucking ounce. He built perhaps one of the finest joints I'd ever seen! It was exactly like this fucking belter here!
He sparked the joint and took a long toke of it.... then coughed like a mutha fucker! Eventually, after recovering a little, he claimed to have put too much weed in it!
"I'll fucking take you up on that challenge, my friend!" I thought, almost aloud!
Then I had a thought - what if this fucking guy doesn't adhere to the universal smoking rules and smokes the whole thing to himself! Surely fucking not?!?
Then I had another thought - what if this fucking guy claims the right of weed ownership?! It's his weed so he can smoke it all like a greedy cunt and it would still be within the rules!
He puffed on it some more and coughed some more.
"I'm not gonna fucking cough!"
When someone is preparing to pass a joint, it's almost like a telepathic stoner signal is sent because you know right away when the joint has been placed in the secure position, ready for transfer!
He passed and I picked up the stoner gauntlet.
"Don't fucking cough!!"
The smell coming from this thing was amazing! It was a really fruity smell. Turns out it's the most excellent TNT weed! I mentally noted that the prick had told me earlier that he had no more left - prick!
I took a deep toke and held it to allow my lungs to absorb the THC! I exhaled with that lovely thick smoke and could fully taste the weed! It was awesome! Fair play to this guy, that fucking joint had made it into my Top10 of amazing smokes!
No coughing... so far! I took another deep hit and the high hit me! Wow, this is fucking brilliant! Per the rules, I had to pass the joint back to him, albeit grudgingly! He told me that on average he'll smoke about 2 fucking ounce of weed! That's what you call a fucking stoner! Although, it was pretty clear that he had smoked so much that his brain had turned to shit a long time ago!
Still, I hadn't coughed! I fucking win!
We parted company and he rode of on his motorbike.
I crawled home on my hands and knees.
A fucking motorbike?! Jesus Christ!
Wednesday, 6 April 2011
The Stoner Assassin
Ha ha ha - they didn't know if it was weapons of mass destruction!! It was fucking weed you dumb fucking dick!
Tuesday, 5 April 2011
Weed Review : Purple Haze
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| Purple Haze |
Eventually we got word - he didn't get it. The 'no weed' issue had been upgraded to a fucking Grade#1 problem!
Fortunately, Shogun got a call and we scored Purple Haze!
Purple Haze is a sativa dominant plant with a high level of THC. It's named after the Jimi Hendrix song, which was believed to have been written about a super potent LSD. This is a favourite amongst medicinal users for it's strong pain relief qualities.
It has a fucking really blazing high that is combined with the thick resin production of even the best indicas. The plants are quite tall, but are shorter than most other sativas. The buds are beautifully long and have a large density with a sticky, thick coating of trichomes.
Now that we had our weed, we settled down for the super fucking blazing session! Ten hours and twenty fucking joints later, we were seriously baked! It wasn't the usual high that we're used too - we tend to be limited to indica strains so this was a welcome change! It was like my head was a balloon and the more I smoked, the more the balloon was blown up! Funny shit!
The Stoner Signal
John Lennon once said "all you need is love". Personally, I reckon all you need is weed - and rolling papers - and a lighter - and roach!
There's a dude in my office that has been there for probably over a year - could be longer. I've never really bothered with him before because quite frankly I always thought he was a weird mother fucker!
I went to Amsterdam a few weeks ago and prior to that, not many people knew that I smoked weed like fuck. It''s not that I kept it a secret, it was more that I just didn't talk about it. However from the day I booked the Amsterdam trip, it was pretty much all I fucking talked about! So now pretty much everyone I know is aware of the fact that I'm a stoner - a fucking intelligent, responsible stoner. There's a difference.
The bottom line is that I don't give a fuck who knows. Well, that's not entirely true - there are exceptions to this. Most obvious exception is my parents. I'm fucking thirty years old, but I still don't want my folks to know about it - although, I don't think they're completely naive. Obviously they knew I was in Amsterdam and I showed
my dad a picture of me blazing on the most excellent Volcano vaporiser. It was a surreal conversation explaining how it worked!
Another exception is my kid. I'm a parent and it's not cool to have that shit spill into the world of parenting - anything associated with this also falls under the exceptions - school teachers etc are a no no.
Other than that, I don't give a fuck. I guess that statement is pretty redundant though seeing as I quite clearly give a fuck!
After returning from Amsterdam, I was talking to a group of work buddies about how fucking amazing it was. This weird guy I mentioned earlier was also there. I realised that my conversation was actually doing two things - the first was obviously telling the story about my trip, but the second, less obvious thing was that I was basically putting out the stoner equivalent of the bat signal! The weird guy turns out to be a stoner. He is elite. The thing is, there's nothing different about the guy; he's still a bit of a weird fucking cat, but being a stoner gives you a few bonus cool points! We have a common bond though - we both fucking love weed and now we regularly exchange
stoner stories. Also, where there is a stoner, there is a dealer - always good to know there's another possible guy to try when all else fails in the pursuit of green!
A week or so ago, I was enjoying a joint in my back garden. I was being discrete as I didn't want to make it too obvious that I was puffin' the herb. I heard my neighbour open her back door so I stood just inside the door! After having waited for a few minutes I decided that the coast was clear! I took a big toke on my joint and stuck my
head out the door. To my horror, she was still standing in her garden - looking at me! I was holding in a lungful of smoke as she said hello! I muttered a hello whilst my head was engulfed in the smoke I'd ust exhaled!
"I didn't know you smoked?!" she says
"Um, just now and again..."
Turns out though, she's a stoner as well!
Let's face it, everyone's a fucking stoner!
Now let's get fucking baked!
There's a dude in my office that has been there for probably over a year - could be longer. I've never really bothered with him before because quite frankly I always thought he was a weird mother fucker!
I went to Amsterdam a few weeks ago and prior to that, not many people knew that I smoked weed like fuck. It''s not that I kept it a secret, it was more that I just didn't talk about it. However from the day I booked the Amsterdam trip, it was pretty much all I fucking talked about! So now pretty much everyone I know is aware of the fact that I'm a stoner - a fucking intelligent, responsible stoner. There's a difference.
The bottom line is that I don't give a fuck who knows. Well, that's not entirely true - there are exceptions to this. Most obvious exception is my parents. I'm fucking thirty years old, but I still don't want my folks to know about it - although, I don't think they're completely naive. Obviously they knew I was in Amsterdam and I showed
my dad a picture of me blazing on the most excellent Volcano vaporiser. It was a surreal conversation explaining how it worked!
Another exception is my kid. I'm a parent and it's not cool to have that shit spill into the world of parenting - anything associated with this also falls under the exceptions - school teachers etc are a no no.
Other than that, I don't give a fuck. I guess that statement is pretty redundant though seeing as I quite clearly give a fuck!
After returning from Amsterdam, I was talking to a group of work buddies about how fucking amazing it was. This weird guy I mentioned earlier was also there. I realised that my conversation was actually doing two things - the first was obviously telling the story about my trip, but the second, less obvious thing was that I was basically putting out the stoner equivalent of the bat signal! The weird guy turns out to be a stoner. He is elite. The thing is, there's nothing different about the guy; he's still a bit of a weird fucking cat, but being a stoner gives you a few bonus cool points! We have a common bond though - we both fucking love weed and now we regularly exchange
stoner stories. Also, where there is a stoner, there is a dealer - always good to know there's another possible guy to try when all else fails in the pursuit of green!
A week or so ago, I was enjoying a joint in my back garden. I was being discrete as I didn't want to make it too obvious that I was puffin' the herb. I heard my neighbour open her back door so I stood just inside the door! After having waited for a few minutes I decided that the coast was clear! I took a big toke on my joint and stuck my
head out the door. To my horror, she was still standing in her garden - looking at me! I was holding in a lungful of smoke as she said hello! I muttered a hello whilst my head was engulfed in the smoke I'd ust exhaled!
"I didn't know you smoked?!" she says
"Um, just now and again..."
Turns out though, she's a stoner as well!
Let's face it, everyone's a fucking stoner!
Now let's get fucking baked!
Saturday, 2 April 2011
Friday, 1 April 2011
Stoner Of The Month (April)
Our first Stoner of the Month award goes to none other than Mr Nice! Truly the Godfather of hash, Howard Marks was alleged to have controlled 10% of the world’s hashish trade. He was eventually convicted by the American DEA and had supposed links with the Mafia, IRA, CIA and fucking MI6.
He attended Balliol College, which is one of the constituent colleges of Oxford University. I have to admit at being completely disgusted that he's not listed as one of the notable people to have attended. I mean you have got Boris fucking Johnson in there, but no Howard! Outrage!
Without a doubt, Howard would be in my list of top ten people to puff with!
Wednesday, 30 March 2011
Tuesday, 29 March 2011
Supposed Skunk
I decided to get myself a bag of the unknown TNT weed. Last night, I rolled myself a joint and settled down for the Family Guy double. It was a nice, smooth smoke but to be honest, it felt weak. I'd say probably around the ten minute mark I felt my legs tingle - then, before I knew it I felt like my head was stuck in a cloud! It's a really good head fuck, almost trippy and lasts for fucking ages!
So today, Shogun calls the house. It's the middle of the day, so I knew this was important...
A quarter of weed was on offer - £55. It was unknown stuff. I considered our previous arrangement of staying clear of unknowns.
"I'm in!"
However, his guy was delaying like a mother fucker in delivering! We had to come up with a contingency plan and come up with it fucking fast!
I got onto my guy in the hope that he happened to have a q of the unknown TNT. There was bad news. There was fucking none. Fortunately, he had loads of the supposed Skunk for fifty fucking quid! We had our contingency!
Our original guy hit us with more delays so the deal was off and in less than thirty minutes, we had a q of Skunk!
I'm high as fuck right now - The Cleveland Show is on.
Heyyyy Daddyyyyyyy
So today, Shogun calls the house. It's the middle of the day, so I knew this was important...
A quarter of weed was on offer - £55. It was unknown stuff. I considered our previous arrangement of staying clear of unknowns.
"I'm in!"
However, his guy was delaying like a mother fucker in delivering! We had to come up with a contingency plan and come up with it fucking fast!
I got onto my guy in the hope that he happened to have a q of the unknown TNT. There was bad news. There was fucking none. Fortunately, he had loads of the supposed Skunk for fifty fucking quid! We had our contingency!
Our original guy hit us with more delays so the deal was off and in less than thirty minutes, we had a q of Skunk!
I'm high as fuck right now - The Cleveland Show is on.
Heyyyy Daddyyyyyyy
Monday, 28 March 2011
Strain : UNKNOWN
Shogun and I decided that from now on, we'd avoid buying weed that was without name! The trouble is, where we live, we don't have the luxury of Amsterdam coffeeshops or Dispensaries. More often than not, we've really just got to take what's available. However, our network of 'guys' we buy from seems to have evolved so that they know exactly what sorta shit they're selling.
Recently, I started using a guy that claimed to have a most excellent strain of Skunk. This was brilliant news, because not only did he have Skunk, but he claimed to have a never ending supply of it! I readily bought a couple of bags and, quite frankly, it was shit. The bags contained a pretty poxy amount and the stone was nothing to write home about. However, the big plus for this guy is convenience - he almost delivers right to my fucking door!
Anyway, this guy got in touch to say that he had just got a batch of weed which is ten times stronger than anything I've ever smoked. According to him, Blue Cheese may taste a little better, but this stuff would blow my fucking mind.
Quite a big claim, I know.
"What's the name of the strain?", I ask.
"I dunno. The guy I get it from doesn't tell anyone the name because he doesn't want anything to be traced back to his seeds.", he replies.
For me, the only plausible reason for this would be if he has managed to breed his own super-strength weed, but I highly doubt that.
I fired off a message to Shogun to hear his thoughts on this unknown TNT weed. He told me that he had just heard from one of his guys that S.A.G.E. (Sativa Afghani Genetic Equilibrium) was on offer. It's always fucking typical - when you're not looking for any, there's weed coming from every direction!
Anyway, back to this TNT! This guy's Skunk wasn't up to par, nor was the quantity, so I didn't hold out much hope that the TNT would be the dopest dope I've ever smoked! Fortunately, I have been able to get a fucking free sample! I had a joint of it last night, but I had been drinking and had just smoked a cone of Blue Cheese. I would have thought that if it was as strong as claimed, it would have put me on my back, but I didn't feel anything; sure, I felt stoned, but nothing like I was before! The joint had been rolled for me, which couldn't have helped. I think when sampling new weed, it's better to be smoked from your own hand. You're own joints are basically self-calibrated so you know that you're starting with a blank canvas when you spark up that beast!
So, I was more than prepared to write off the unknown TNT as a fucking wash-out!
However....
Remember I said this guy almost home fucking delivers?! Well, I got a little more so that I can make a better judgement! Free samples are the shit!!
Thursday, 24 March 2011
Weed Review: Blue Cheese
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| Blue Cheese |
It's an Indica dominant plant which was created by breeding a set of Blueberry males with Big Buddha Cheese. The resulting seeds were grown out and a male was chosen from around 40 different Blueberry x Cheese contestants - becoming the fucking father of the super potent strain. The selected Blueberry Cheese male was then crossed once again with a Big Buddha Cheese female which makes this a mostly cheese plant with just a hint of blueberry!
It's nice and dry to the touch and it really smells like a mother fucker! A hit of this is fruity and burns really smoothly so I was ending up taking massive blasts of the fucker. The stone makes you foggy in the head, yet active - hence the written review - usually I'm too fucking baked and I just sit and watch TV - Anchorman was on earlier so I sat and watched that whilst toking on a joint of this most excellent strain!
Wednesday, 23 March 2011
Blazing Etiquette
Everyone has 'house rules' when it comes to smoking. These rules are never spoken of, or explained, but they must always be adhered to! It shouldn't need to be explained to Stoners - it's like they are genetically hardwired!
These are our rules....
The joint is passed around clock-wise
This is simple. There's no real explanation needed here - I suppose some people prefer to pass anti-clockwise, but that's just fucking weird!
Don't bullshit that you are an elite smoker
You'll be found out really fucking fast! I've met numerous people who love to boast about how they can blaze like fuck, but it's obvious they are bullshitting. If you aren't elite then just fucking admit it - there's nothing wrong with it!
Don't question an elite smoker's ability
This is just bad manners. At the end of the day, we have nothing to prove and let's face it - the pussies that are questioning it aren't fucking elite.
The roller of the joint sparks the joint
Also known as roller's rights. The roller can also offer this right to another. This is always considered a very generous offer and it should never, ever, be taken for granted.
The roller of the joint douses the joint
Obviously, this is impossible if there are more than say two people in your smoking circle. However, in a standard pair, the joint is passed back to the roller. It can be refused by the roller though, but that's pretty fucking unlikely.
Every participating smoker must take their turn to roll
One exception to this rule is if someone has declared themselves to be a novice smoker and is unable to roll a joint. This does not earn you any cool points - unless you happen to be the one with the massive bag of weed! Let's be honest about this though - everyone who can roll a joint, will do so. After all, who doesn't love sparking the beast?!
Don't fucking hog the joint
Some people employ the 'puff-puff-pass' rule. This rule's too fucking strict, I mean, how can anyone really enjoy toking on a joint when everyone in the fucking room is counting how many tokes you're taking (and let's face it - everyone is counting, because they can't wait to get the pass!). As a general rule of thumb, pass the joint at the point where you would be happy, but not surprised, to be passed the joint yourself by someone else. I would probably say that the only time that it would be almost acceptable to hog the joint is when the next (and last) person to be passed it is a novice and/or a non-roller. These guys have no right to complain about hogging because they've contributed fuck all!
Don't refuse a pass
Unless you have declared yourself as a novice smoker, then you shouldn't be refusing a pass. This is where the pretend-elite get ousted as the pussies that they are! I once smoked with a guy who claimed he was elite only to refuse a pass in favour of smoking a fucking cigarette. This is a fucking insult man, this was my weed we were smoking, in my home. It was almost like him taking a dump in my toilet and leaving it for me to find!
Newcomers do not interrupt the flow
If someone joins the group, the flow does not change. The person who's next in line for the joint knows that he's next and the current toker doesn't have any right to offer the newcomer the next pass. However, if the next guy is feeling generous, he can offer the new guy the pass but only if he has not taken a toke of it. The second he tokes on the joint, he looses the right of 'newcomer hospitality'.
Building and rolling
Generally, each elite would take a turn at rolling a joint. In the same way that it's passed; in a clockwise direction. This is assuming that each person has contributed to the weed supply. If you haven't contributed then you must ask for permission to roll - after all, it's not your fucking weed to just roll a fat one and spark it! A non-contributer would not usually be in the group for the duration of the stoner session - more than likely they're just passing through.
These are our rules....
The joint is passed around clock-wise
This is simple. There's no real explanation needed here - I suppose some people prefer to pass anti-clockwise, but that's just fucking weird!
Don't bullshit that you are an elite smoker
You'll be found out really fucking fast! I've met numerous people who love to boast about how they can blaze like fuck, but it's obvious they are bullshitting. If you aren't elite then just fucking admit it - there's nothing wrong with it!
Don't question an elite smoker's ability
This is just bad manners. At the end of the day, we have nothing to prove and let's face it - the pussies that are questioning it aren't fucking elite.
The roller of the joint sparks the joint
Also known as roller's rights. The roller can also offer this right to another. This is always considered a very generous offer and it should never, ever, be taken for granted.
The roller of the joint douses the joint
Obviously, this is impossible if there are more than say two people in your smoking circle. However, in a standard pair, the joint is passed back to the roller. It can be refused by the roller though, but that's pretty fucking unlikely.
Every participating smoker must take their turn to roll
One exception to this rule is if someone has declared themselves to be a novice smoker and is unable to roll a joint. This does not earn you any cool points - unless you happen to be the one with the massive bag of weed! Let's be honest about this though - everyone who can roll a joint, will do so. After all, who doesn't love sparking the beast?!
Don't fucking hog the joint
Some people employ the 'puff-puff-pass' rule. This rule's too fucking strict, I mean, how can anyone really enjoy toking on a joint when everyone in the fucking room is counting how many tokes you're taking (and let's face it - everyone is counting, because they can't wait to get the pass!). As a general rule of thumb, pass the joint at the point where you would be happy, but not surprised, to be passed the joint yourself by someone else. I would probably say that the only time that it would be almost acceptable to hog the joint is when the next (and last) person to be passed it is a novice and/or a non-roller. These guys have no right to complain about hogging because they've contributed fuck all!
Don't refuse a pass
Unless you have declared yourself as a novice smoker, then you shouldn't be refusing a pass. This is where the pretend-elite get ousted as the pussies that they are! I once smoked with a guy who claimed he was elite only to refuse a pass in favour of smoking a fucking cigarette. This is a fucking insult man, this was my weed we were smoking, in my home. It was almost like him taking a dump in my toilet and leaving it for me to find!
Newcomers do not interrupt the flow
If someone joins the group, the flow does not change. The person who's next in line for the joint knows that he's next and the current toker doesn't have any right to offer the newcomer the next pass. However, if the next guy is feeling generous, he can offer the new guy the pass but only if he has not taken a toke of it. The second he tokes on the joint, he looses the right of 'newcomer hospitality'.
Building and rolling
Generally, each elite would take a turn at rolling a joint. In the same way that it's passed; in a clockwise direction. This is assuming that each person has contributed to the weed supply. If you haven't contributed then you must ask for permission to roll - after all, it's not your fucking weed to just roll a fat one and spark it! A non-contributer would not usually be in the group for the duration of the stoner session - more than likely they're just passing through.
In the beginning..
...weed created stoners.
2 stoners decided to put their sessions to good use & see if the shit the spoke about was as funny as they thought while high.
This is a blog for stoners by stoners.
Ladies & Gentlemen please welcome Shogun & Grimble!!
2 stoners decided to put their sessions to good use & see if the shit the spoke about was as funny as they thought while high.
This is a blog for stoners by stoners.
Ladies & Gentlemen please welcome Shogun & Grimble!!
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