Showing posts with label Stoner. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Stoner. Show all posts
Friday, 8 April 2011
Toking with the Dealer
Tonight I was pretty bummed as we had no weed. Well, actually, I've been pretty bummed about it since we fucking ran out!
Fortunately, the Weed-God was smiling down at me. I happened to end up in the company of my dealer's dealer - purely by accident of course. I've only ever met this guy once and wasn't really interested in fucking meeting him, but I knew (well, prayed) that he had a big fucking bag of weed about his person!
He sat down and produced the goods. I reckon his bag contained about a fucking ounce. He built perhaps one of the finest joints I'd ever seen! It was exactly like this fucking belter here!
He sparked the joint and took a long toke of it.... then coughed like a mutha fucker! Eventually, after recovering a little, he claimed to have put too much weed in it!
"I'll fucking take you up on that challenge, my friend!" I thought, almost aloud!
Then I had a thought - what if this fucking guy doesn't adhere to the universal smoking rules and smokes the whole thing to himself! Surely fucking not?!?
Then I had another thought - what if this fucking guy claims the right of weed ownership?! It's his weed so he can smoke it all like a greedy cunt and it would still be within the rules!
He puffed on it some more and coughed some more.
"I'm not gonna fucking cough!"
When someone is preparing to pass a joint, it's almost like a telepathic stoner signal is sent because you know right away when the joint has been placed in the secure position, ready for transfer!
He passed and I picked up the stoner gauntlet.
"Don't fucking cough!!"
The smell coming from this thing was amazing! It was a really fruity smell. Turns out it's the most excellent TNT weed! I mentally noted that the prick had told me earlier that he had no more left - prick!
I took a deep toke and held it to allow my lungs to absorb the THC! I exhaled with that lovely thick smoke and could fully taste the weed! It was awesome! Fair play to this guy, that fucking joint had made it into my Top10 of amazing smokes!
No coughing... so far! I took another deep hit and the high hit me! Wow, this is fucking brilliant! Per the rules, I had to pass the joint back to him, albeit grudgingly! He told me that on average he'll smoke about 2 fucking ounce of weed! That's what you call a fucking stoner! Although, it was pretty clear that he had smoked so much that his brain had turned to shit a long time ago!
Still, I hadn't coughed! I fucking win!
We parted company and he rode of on his motorbike.
I crawled home on my hands and knees.
A fucking motorbike?! Jesus Christ!
He sat down and produced the goods. I reckon his bag contained about a fucking ounce. He built perhaps one of the finest joints I'd ever seen! It was exactly like this fucking belter here!
He sparked the joint and took a long toke of it.... then coughed like a mutha fucker! Eventually, after recovering a little, he claimed to have put too much weed in it!
"I'll fucking take you up on that challenge, my friend!" I thought, almost aloud!
Then I had a thought - what if this fucking guy doesn't adhere to the universal smoking rules and smokes the whole thing to himself! Surely fucking not?!?
Then I had another thought - what if this fucking guy claims the right of weed ownership?! It's his weed so he can smoke it all like a greedy cunt and it would still be within the rules!
He puffed on it some more and coughed some more.
"I'm not gonna fucking cough!"
When someone is preparing to pass a joint, it's almost like a telepathic stoner signal is sent because you know right away when the joint has been placed in the secure position, ready for transfer!
He passed and I picked up the stoner gauntlet.
"Don't fucking cough!!"
The smell coming from this thing was amazing! It was a really fruity smell. Turns out it's the most excellent TNT weed! I mentally noted that the prick had told me earlier that he had no more left - prick!
I took a deep toke and held it to allow my lungs to absorb the THC! I exhaled with that lovely thick smoke and could fully taste the weed! It was awesome! Fair play to this guy, that fucking joint had made it into my Top10 of amazing smokes!
No coughing... so far! I took another deep hit and the high hit me! Wow, this is fucking brilliant! Per the rules, I had to pass the joint back to him, albeit grudgingly! He told me that on average he'll smoke about 2 fucking ounce of weed! That's what you call a fucking stoner! Although, it was pretty clear that he had smoked so much that his brain had turned to shit a long time ago!
Still, I hadn't coughed! I fucking win!
We parted company and he rode of on his motorbike.
I crawled home on my hands and knees.
A fucking motorbike?! Jesus Christ!
Tuesday, 5 April 2011
The Stoner Signal
John Lennon once said "all you need is love". Personally, I reckon all you need is weed - and rolling papers - and a lighter - and roach!
There's a dude in my office that has been there for probably over a year - could be longer. I've never really bothered with him before because quite frankly I always thought he was a weird mother fucker!
I went to Amsterdam a few weeks ago and prior to that, not many people knew that I smoked weed like fuck. It''s not that I kept it a secret, it was more that I just didn't talk about it. However from the day I booked the Amsterdam trip, it was pretty much all I fucking talked about! So now pretty much everyone I know is aware of the fact that I'm a stoner - a fucking intelligent, responsible stoner. There's a difference.
The bottom line is that I don't give a fuck who knows. Well, that's not entirely true - there are exceptions to this. Most obvious exception is my parents. I'm fucking thirty years old, but I still don't want my folks to know about it - although, I don't think they're completely naive. Obviously they knew I was in Amsterdam and I showed
my dad a picture of me blazing on the most excellent Volcano vaporiser. It was a surreal conversation explaining how it worked!
Another exception is my kid. I'm a parent and it's not cool to have that shit spill into the world of parenting - anything associated with this also falls under the exceptions - school teachers etc are a no no.
Other than that, I don't give a fuck. I guess that statement is pretty redundant though seeing as I quite clearly give a fuck!
After returning from Amsterdam, I was talking to a group of work buddies about how fucking amazing it was. This weird guy I mentioned earlier was also there. I realised that my conversation was actually doing two things - the first was obviously telling the story about my trip, but the second, less obvious thing was that I was basically putting out the stoner equivalent of the bat signal! The weird guy turns out to be a stoner. He is elite. The thing is, there's nothing different about the guy; he's still a bit of a weird fucking cat, but being a stoner gives you a few bonus cool points! We have a common bond though - we both fucking love weed and now we regularly exchange
stoner stories. Also, where there is a stoner, there is a dealer - always good to know there's another possible guy to try when all else fails in the pursuit of green!
A week or so ago, I was enjoying a joint in my back garden. I was being discrete as I didn't want to make it too obvious that I was puffin' the herb. I heard my neighbour open her back door so I stood just inside the door! After having waited for a few minutes I decided that the coast was clear! I took a big toke on my joint and stuck my
head out the door. To my horror, she was still standing in her garden - looking at me! I was holding in a lungful of smoke as she said hello! I muttered a hello whilst my head was engulfed in the smoke I'd ust exhaled!
"I didn't know you smoked?!" she says
"Um, just now and again..."
Turns out though, she's a stoner as well!
Let's face it, everyone's a fucking stoner!
Now let's get fucking baked!
There's a dude in my office that has been there for probably over a year - could be longer. I've never really bothered with him before because quite frankly I always thought he was a weird mother fucker!
I went to Amsterdam a few weeks ago and prior to that, not many people knew that I smoked weed like fuck. It''s not that I kept it a secret, it was more that I just didn't talk about it. However from the day I booked the Amsterdam trip, it was pretty much all I fucking talked about! So now pretty much everyone I know is aware of the fact that I'm a stoner - a fucking intelligent, responsible stoner. There's a difference.
The bottom line is that I don't give a fuck who knows. Well, that's not entirely true - there are exceptions to this. Most obvious exception is my parents. I'm fucking thirty years old, but I still don't want my folks to know about it - although, I don't think they're completely naive. Obviously they knew I was in Amsterdam and I showed
my dad a picture of me blazing on the most excellent Volcano vaporiser. It was a surreal conversation explaining how it worked!
Another exception is my kid. I'm a parent and it's not cool to have that shit spill into the world of parenting - anything associated with this also falls under the exceptions - school teachers etc are a no no.
Other than that, I don't give a fuck. I guess that statement is pretty redundant though seeing as I quite clearly give a fuck!
After returning from Amsterdam, I was talking to a group of work buddies about how fucking amazing it was. This weird guy I mentioned earlier was also there. I realised that my conversation was actually doing two things - the first was obviously telling the story about my trip, but the second, less obvious thing was that I was basically putting out the stoner equivalent of the bat signal! The weird guy turns out to be a stoner. He is elite. The thing is, there's nothing different about the guy; he's still a bit of a weird fucking cat, but being a stoner gives you a few bonus cool points! We have a common bond though - we both fucking love weed and now we regularly exchange
stoner stories. Also, where there is a stoner, there is a dealer - always good to know there's another possible guy to try when all else fails in the pursuit of green!
A week or so ago, I was enjoying a joint in my back garden. I was being discrete as I didn't want to make it too obvious that I was puffin' the herb. I heard my neighbour open her back door so I stood just inside the door! After having waited for a few minutes I decided that the coast was clear! I took a big toke on my joint and stuck my
head out the door. To my horror, she was still standing in her garden - looking at me! I was holding in a lungful of smoke as she said hello! I muttered a hello whilst my head was engulfed in the smoke I'd ust exhaled!
"I didn't know you smoked?!" she says
"Um, just now and again..."
Turns out though, she's a stoner as well!
Let's face it, everyone's a fucking stoner!
Now let's get fucking baked!
Saturday, 2 April 2011
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